University, Writing

Just Do It

Hello!

Well, look who it is. Yes, it’s me. The one who calls herself a blogger and never writes a blog post! Hilarious.

I’ve been doing my Masters degree at the University of Leeds for about 6 weeks now, and yesterday I submitted my first assignment. Scary stuff, right. I haven’t submitted an essay for critical marking and judgement for well over two years and getting back the results will prove whether my brain is actually good enough to be on this course.

Yesterday was a good day in that we had a guest lecturer in the form of a well-established writer come in to speak to us. I walked out of that session feeling totally inspired, and that’s why I have come back to the blog. I have a lot to say, but my biggest problem is actually sitting down to say it. It’s a bad habit of mine to just dream up millions of ideas and never get them down, so that they might drift off into the ether, never to return.

A main point that I took away from that session was that you just have to do it. An idea comes into your head, write it. You want to share some work, post it online. You just have to get on and do it. That’s something that I’ve struggled with, especially lately because I’ve been so distracted. Now though, it’s the time to get my arse in gear because my writing career isn’t going to happen by itself. Keep your eyes peeled for a more active blog. She says.

 

Education, Life Experience, University

Brains, Not Boys

When I graduated in 2014, I knew I wasn’t finished with learning. I always enjoyed schoolwork, and even when I didn’t I threw my all into it regardless. But to complete a Masters degree, like I wanted, I would have to fork out thousands of pounds that I just didn’t have.

And then came the wonderful news that a Postgraduate loan was going to be introduced, kindly provided by Student Finance England, that would add to any undergraduate loans already waiting to be paid off.

I almost didn’t apply for this year because I felt too busy and “there is always next year”. But we all know that tomorrow never comes. Luck would have it that I suddenly became single and was thrown into a pit of unknown. The only way out, I saw it, was to focus only on myself, to better myself and to achieve more.

I’m (hopefully if they love me) going to study at the University of Leeds, on a writing course because…well, as I’ve said many a time on this blog, I want to be a writer. Desperately, truly, it’s all I can think of to do.

If I get in, I’ll be the happiest girl in the world. I’m glad I have transformed into someone whose life is completed by education, rather than by a man*.

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*However, applications are still open, apply within.

 

Life Experience, University

The Talent Show of Life

When I was in school I used to feel like I didn’t have any talents. I felt like I had no skills that I could put to good use in the real world or that I would be recognised for. Then I went to uni. Studying Film and Television Production gave me something to strive towards and made me feel like I was worth something to the world – to the film world especially. My skills were fine tuned and I got the degree that I wanted when I graduated.

Almost a year after graduation, that feeling has gone and the old one has reared its ugly head. Not being a part of something like that anymore is difficult and I haven’t had the same creative opportunities that I did on the course. I’m back to where I started, feeling like I’m bursting with potential, but nowhere to take it, nowhere to implement it.

My new job as a marketing intern is showing me differently to an extent, however, because I’ve only been here for a week or so, I’m still learning viciously. I’m struggling with all three of my jobs in that I don’t like being at the bottom of the pile, imageslooking up at everyone else. I know that will take all of the hard work that I can muster and I believe that one day I will make it, but there is also a part of me that is scared of committing. What if the career that I commit to turns out to be something I hate? What if I fall out of love with it? It’s likely that some part of me will change, I just don’t know whether that will be for the positive or not.

My motive at the moment is to keep smiling through all the struggles and think about how I’m still young, free and capable
of anything. Getting bogged down in negative thoughts is something that I’m excellent at. Onwards and upwards.

Life Experience

I miss…

A video showed up in my Facebook notifications from nearly four years ago, back when I was in first year at university. Even though I’m only in touch with two out of the eight or nine people in that 30 second video, I miss a lot about that year.

It was a difficult year, though, with an awful lot of wasted effort and hard work on relationships, romantic or otherwise, that turned into nothing. It was a year that taught me about people, and how to deal with different personalities, whether they clashed with mine or not. That year taught me how to love someone and how to deal with their absence and the way they crushed out relationships. It also taught me that not everyone is truthful and that people are quite capable of being hurtful without too much of a conscience to hold them back.

What I miss, however, is spending time with different people every day, not knowing who would rock up that evening or who you’d be staying up late with, sharing secrets and chatting about anything and everything. I miss the ridiculous fancy dress outfits and (in a weird way) the drama that surrounded daily life. It’s an interesting psychological challenge to try to suss people out.

I miss going to lectures and learning new things, I miss going to different people’s houses/flats for dinner and I miss going out at least twice a week to let down my hair and party with whoever I was friends with at the time.

I’m an entirely different person to who I was in first year, in 2011/12. Anybody that I knew then, you probably don’t know me now and there’s a chance that we would get on now after we’ve all changed through the last three to four years. Many times, I think about reaching out to those I lost touch with, but then remember it’s probably not worth it. This time in four years I will likely miss the peace of living with friends and the freedom of not having a proper career. Who knows where I’ll be, or even who I’ll be.

So for anybody just starting out at university in their first year, treasure it. You might find it hard, you might find your best friends, you might even find yourself, but take lots of pictures and make lots of memories. Just enjoy the feelings of knowing anyone in the world can impact on your life at this very moment.

Life Experience, Misc.

Feeling Pants is Normal

I’ve been reasonably quiet recently and that’s not because I’m having a whale of a time being awesome and adventurous; I’m currently in the middle of working through a 6 day week.

I’ve never experienced exhaustion like this before. It’s strange because I feel like I shouldn’t be tired. The most hours that I work a day are 6 and work is only a fifteen minute walk away (unlike when I worked at school and travelled 40 minutes each way),  yet I’m really, really struggling to function and stay alert. I’ve put it down to the fact that I’m not necessarily in a job that I want. It’s hard working towards goals that you don’t want, that you never saw yourself doing. It’s always difficult after graduating from university – you’re filled with so much ambition and think that with a degree everything is going to fall into place and your ideal career is just waiting for you. It isn’t. It works out for some people, but for most, like me, it hasn’t so far. That could be why I feel so pants lately. Who knows.

What I need is to chug a Starbucks (conveniently next door) and push on. Something good better happen soon before I give up!

Peace out.

Life Experience, University

A Guide for Freshers

I’ve just spent the last couple of days entertaining my baby sister who came to stay with me in York and it’s been great – we’ve done loads of shopping, eaten some quality food, watched a film or two and had some worthy discussions. Except, she’s not my baby sister anymore. She’s 19 and about to go to uni in two weeks in Liverpool. That’s far.. It got me thinking about how scared I was before I went to uni and how many emotional breakdowns I had before I even got there. It’s a really, really stressful and daunting experience and I’m afraid that there’s no one out there who can tell you what it’s going to be like. No one has the exact same experience at university and unfortunately there isn’t a rule book or a guide telling you what’s going to happen or what to do. What I have managed, however (and I’ll be passing this onto Mols) is a vague guide of what to generally expect and what opportunities to jump at. This is the director’s cut of the original list that I ended up writing:

  • Always carry an umbrella and some change
  • If you have a 3 hour class at 4pm, take a can of energy drink – you’ll really need it
  • Sometimes you’ll be in the library til it closes (or until the sun rises if it’s 24 hour) and that’s okay, you’ll feel great
  • Get to know at least one tutor well
  • Absolutely no one cares how you are dressed in lectures
  • Sometimes the syllabus says you need to buy a textbook and the tutor says you don’t – check before you buy! (also, it’s probz in the library)
  • Having a 2am – 11am sleep schedule is okay
  • Don’t take drinks from random people
  • Take notes by hand – it sinks in better
  • Always keep an emergency stash of loo roll in your room for your use only
  • Jump at every opportunity to do something fun – don’t leave yourself out, you deserve the fun
  • Go to every event with free food
  • Stay up talking til the sun rises
  • Take lots of pictures
  • Be yourself

I know there’s lots of people around the country, around the world at this moment still shopping for uni supplies, still stressing about making friends and I wish I could tell you exactly how it’s going to pan out, but you are the only person who can take this journey and you will be the only person who affects your university experience at first. When friends come along, things change and you’ll watch each other develop into functional adults (even though it doesn’t feel like it).

I sometimes wish I could start university all over again, but when I remember how much I was dreading it and how scared I was, I’m glad I’ve already done that. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world, though. University has made me who I am and has given me the friends that I need. Best decision I ever made to go, hands down.

University, World

Biggest Day of My Life So Far…

Tomorrow is looming, it’s getting ever closer and my knees are starting to knock ever so slightly. It’s time, after these three years studying and working my arse off, to finally receive the award that I have earned. A First Class Degree in Film and Television Production, from York St John University and I am crazy proud right now. Not just of myself though, of everyone on my course, all of my friends that I have met along the way who I have slaved with over assignments and productions. Tomorrow will start the rest of my life from now on as I will be able to officially say, “I have a degree to my name.”

Many people my age have already graduated, back in the summertime when the weather sort of promised to be pleasant. Mine is in November, in the cold and hopefully not the wet. But this is all for good reason; we, as York St John Graduands will be entering the York Minster as mere students and leaving as fully matured graduates. I say fully matured, that can be used loosely for a small number of people. Yes! York Minster of all places, the building that tourists from all over the world flock to gawk at and take thousands of photographs of the wonderful thing.

It would perhaps be an understatement to say that tomorrow is going to be grand because it is most certainly going to be of the utmost grandeur and amazement and I can’t bloody wait. I will (of course) upload photographs from the day onto here, even though I seem to have a habit of neglecting my writing.

Anyhow. Tomorrow is going to be a BIG day and I wish everyone else at York St John the best time this week x

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Film, Life Experience, University, World

The End is Nigh!

Pretty certain I’ve used this as a blog post title before, in regards to the end of sixth form or the end of my terrible first year or something academicone-does-not-simply-write-a-dissertation
related, but the end is actually here. It’s looming fast, yes, my three years at uni are almost over! What is life, no seriously. I’m on the brink of submitting my dissertation; a 10,000 word document about The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I’ve enjoyed it, sure, but as anyone can tell you, writing a lengthy essay is more boring than it is fun, even when you’re talking about the joys of the representation of women in films.

So there’s about three weeks left at uni: including two days to submit the dissertation, and a couple of weeks to edit the film and write one final essay about it. And then that’s it. Done. Can’t…quite…handle it. And then! After all this university lark is over, I’m off on a trip to Mexico. Probably the most exotic place I’ve ever been (Australia doesn’t count here – like you knew that anyway). And then, after all of that, I need to start real life. Need to get a job, pay some rent on a proper house with mah pals and start an adult sort of life. I mean come on. I’m scared! But no, it’ll be alright. My plans? To eventually achieve a PGCE and become an English and Media Studies teacher. That’s the dream! Well. There are other dreams, but that’s the realistic dream. We’ll see about the others when I’ve earned a bit of dollar.

Life after uni is scary. I mean, there are plenty of scary times in your life when you have to make crucial decisions and make something out of your life, like after sixth form and what options to take at school, things like that. But this, this is something. Uni life is so cushy, people talk about how poor you are and how difficult it is to deal with housemates and living independently, but let’s be honest, living as a student is a doddle. You live with friends (eventually if you’re me), you have ample amounts of free time in which you can watch Netflix, and you get the famous student loan with which you can buy clothes and shoes and anything you want (including food of course). Yes, being a student is easy, but the real world does not seem as great. So if you are a student with at least one more year to go, enjoy it, because it’s the best opportunity that you’re going to get for a long while (unless you’re super lucky in which case, go you!) This isn’t to say that uni is the best thing that anyone can do; uni isn’t for some people and there’s plenty out there who have amazing lives without it. But it was the right decision for me and it might be for you. So treasure it! Because it goes faster than you think. I never dreamed this day would come, but it has and I feel extremely old (at 21, phew). Just be good, kids. And get your assignments done early!

Dissertation-Year Fellowship Eligibility

Entertainment, Film, University

You Know That I Love You, So…

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Our Steampunk Crew

Oh hey, you with the really pretty face, you with the extremely muscley body, you with the super cute haircut, I love you. Yes, you. And I think that in return to my wondrous love, you could take a look at my Kickstarter page for my Steampunk web series pilot! No, I’m not asking you to pledge any money (although that’d be freaking SWEET), I’m just asking you to take a look and share it around to all your lovely friends! Share, share, share! That’s the thing because there are plenty of Steampunk people out there who would love to know about this or even be involved!

This is really all I have to update on, I’m the worst blogger in the world, I know, but I’m still here! Trust me! Keep your eyes peeled 😉

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1233333540/a-murder-of-crows-steampunk-crime-drama-web-series

Life Experience, University, World

Specific Time Travelling

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So I had a dream – this is how all good blog posts start don’tcha know – I had a dream that I’d travelled back in time by two and a half years. Pretty precise, right? I found myself at the start of first year again, waking up on my plastic mattress at Limes Court, my old uni halls. Wut. I had all the memories of what’s gone on for the past two and a bit years and here I was again living my first year life. At first I was like ‘Mate, this is so cool, I can do everything again and make the right decisions this time AND I get a longer uni experience!’. But then I realised that maybe this wasn’t such a great thing…I have worked so hard over the past couple of years in terms of assignments, films and relationships and I clicked that all that had basically been undone. Not to mention that I am no longer on speaking terms with my first year housemates and I would have to associate with them again. I wouldn’t have the friends that I have now and I would have to wait until they got to know me again. At this point, I’d never even met my boyfriend and I could just imagine finding him and scarring him for life by telling him I was his future S.O. I just wanted to get back to third year because I didn’t want to slog through all that effort and fallouts and arguments again, it’s too much for one person! I realised I’ve had a pretty rough ride at uni but it has improved significantly in the past year and I would hate to lose it by travelling through time. Like that’s a legitimate thing to worry about, come on, I dreamt it at least.

I’ve just decided that even though there were super low moments in first year and a bit in second year, I wouldn’t change a thing. What has happened over the past couple of years has got me to where I am today and, honestly, I couldn’t be happier. There are a couple of things that I would change, like I miss my Grandad beyond belief and I don’t think I will ever comprehend losing him. And I would also start my assignments a little earlier than I seem to have the habit of doing. But the past isn’t to be changed. What’s done is done, am I right? And for the minute, I’m just looking forward to an exciting future because I am now no longer clueless about what I want to do with my life. Bring it on, future, I’m ready for ya 😉