Education, Life Experience

Fitting In

Being in the cool group at school was never my jam – I say that, I don’t think I would have been invited anyway – but when university struck, all of a sudden there were people that wanted to spend time with me. Sweet. Since then, for the last three and a bit years, I’ve been fine, I’ve felt like I’ve slotted perfectly into everything I’ve done with the people I’ve been with. Now, though it’s a different story. Because I now know what I want to do with my life and because I know that it’s not workinggallery-hsieh in a school, I suddenly feel out of place. I still care about the job (heck, you’ve gotta when you work with children) and I still do my best, but it’s as though there’s this bubble around me with a sticker on it saying ‘Odd One Out’ or something.

I’ve had a few suggestions from some teachers recently that they don’t even know I work here and I’m pretty sure some of them think I’m a student. One just this morning opened her mouth to stop me walking down the corridor and when I smiled, I got an unimpressed look back at me, as if I’d deceived her or something. It probably doesn’t help that I used to come to this school as a teenager, but I’ve got to say, the people I’m finding that are doing this most arrived here long after I’d even left, which gives them zero excuses.

The career that I want is entirely different to this and I’m waiting for it to come along any time soon. Trouble is as well, this is only a temporary contract, so whichever sector it was in, I think by this point I’d be getting antsy. What I’m most scared of is leaving here without a job lined up and I can’t keep going in these circles. I need something I can progress in because I’m twenty-two now and should start acting more like an adult. Hopefully I will find something where I fit in with the rest of them and don’t have to worry about being told to take my jacket off on the corridors…

Education

Testing the Waters

Dedication.

Determination.

Persistence.

Patience.

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Buzz words that you may or may not associate with teachers. Since I’ve been at this school, I have noted how teachers constantly put students before themselves (which you would hope if you were a parent) but, I just don’t think that I would be able to do this in the long run. They sacrifice their precious free time to mark books, send emails, create lesson plans and have meetings, all the while getting more and more tired as the days are counted towards the summer holidays. But this is far from true; teachers relish in the pressure, and despite all of the hard work and stress, sleepless nights and early mornings, if a teacher can make one small difference to one child, their job is complete. They love it.

And then there’s me. Now, before you jump to any sort of conclusions, please bear in mind that I do like my job and I’m grateful for this opportunity because it has given me a taster of something that I might want to do in life. It just turns out that I don’t. I don’t fancy the idea of taking a huge stack of books home every night; I want to leave work at work and at 22 I’m still in quite a self-centered phase of wanting to progress my own intelligence rather than improve others’. Horrible aren’t I? Actually, no I don’t think so. My defense is that everybody is different, we all lead different lives and we all want to achieve different things. I am testing the waters at the minute with different opportunities, I’m trying teaching, I’ve tried film, waitressing and working in a museum. I also plan to try out writing, dressmaking and probably standard office work. I don’t want to settle just yet, I’m still young! I want to go back to uni if we’re honest, but who has the money?