1st March

Hi, me again.

I’m currently sitting over a steaming cup of black coffee, inhaling it in the hope that that will wake me up so I don’t actually have to drink it.

I had one of those nights where you fall asleep and then feel like you’ve woken up after a minute.

I think I slept, but I definitely don’t feel like it.

I’ve tried herbal tea already but that’s just resulted in upwards of 5 trips to the bathroom.

I’m still watching Pretty Little Liars. It’s a slow process but I’m getting there.

Peace out.


Entertainment, Life Experience

Lit through the darkness at 1:58

Last night I couldn’t sleep, which is something that I really despise and can’t deal with very well. Luckily, I’m usually good with just blacking out at bedtime and waking up refreshed but something was plaguing me at 2am. I’m not 100% sure what, but I can hazard a pretty good guess that it was finance related. I’m waiting to hear back from the bank about an overdraft and to be honest, it’s draining me. Because of the bank holiday yesterday – convenient – I’ve had to wait an extra day to find out and ultimately, it means the difference between being able to pay rent or forfeiting money for driving lessons, which is what I really want.

So there I was, now 2:01 (gets me thinking about Taylor Swift and all the times she mentions being wide awake at this time) still thinking about money but now also thinking about my musical idol. I tried to relax, so hard, but clearly that was the wrong way to go about it. I scanned Facebook again, which I think was a bad idea and seemed to make everything 10x worse – my eyes now bulging thanks to the light of my phone. I went to the loo, opened the window, tried to find the most comfortable and cosy position but nothing, absolutely nothing was working and I was starting to piss myself off, which again was also a bad idea. If this is similar to what it’s like being an insomniac then no-thank-you, and oh my gosh if you are how do you even deal? 

I was now mad, in bed, but suddenly, I was instantly transported to July 2013, a time in my life when I used to lay awake at night, stressing and alone, unhappy and disheartened. This, I seem to remember wasn’t a great moment in my life (I’ll spare you the details) and I recall vividly how I felt lying mindlessly awake in the middle of the night. It wasn’t nice. This vision led me to think about a writing project that I’m working on and I thought, My head is really chock full at the moment, let’s release some of that tension. Light on, out of bed, I clambered for the nearest notebook (plenty lying around my bedroom as the years have gone on) and pen and started scribbling. It was interestingly a huge relief, I didn’t expect it to work instantly but I knew it had been the right thing to do. Even though I wasn’t writing about my money worries, it took my mind off it for a while and I was able to concentrate on something that’s actually important to me. It was around fifteen minutes before the familiar drying of my eyes happened and I was having to blink heavier. I wrapped it up, put it aside, turned off the lamp and fell fast asleep, just like that.

This morning, however, I’ve woken up at half 7, giving me a roundabout total of five hours’ sleep… Cool. If the bank gives me the answer I want, it should all be worth it…fingers crossed.


Life Experience, University

Student Ambassador!

Yesterday I had my very first shift as a student ambassador at an open day at my uni and first impressions? It’s bloody exhausting! I don’t think I’ve ever been as tired in my life, it felt worse than the jet lag I experienced travelling to Australia. I was really nervous to start with, I didn’t know what to expect which is one of the things that I really hate. I like to know what I’m doing, I hate going into something not knowing exactly what’s going to happen, which is mostly why I don’t like the theatre.

I started out helping around with putting up signs and banners and I was then put on my first post greeting peeps and pointing them in the right direction. By this point it was raining – great – but it wasn’t normal rain, it was very fine and light and horrible. After chatting to one of my tutors for a while about how I’d been awake since 6 and was wishing for better weather, I was put onto my second post which was a little ginnel between two of the accommodation sites. It was my job to run between these two sites making sure people weren’t getting lost on their way to each place. This meant doing lots of dashing about and chatting and smiling to people. It’s a lot of hard work. No, really. But it was an awesome experience talking to prospective students and their lovely parents. I found out that one of them plays cricket in my home village. Crazy small world.

It really was a great day, as shattered as I was, it was great to meet new ambassadors, New students, parents and a couple of tutors. I love talking to new people and even though I was a bit nervous about it, I found it really easy. Definitely looking forward to Wednesday’s shift now…well maybe not the early start. It’ll be worth it. I’ll probably just crash at Sam’s afterwards, sounds about right 🙂

I hope you enjoyed my actual like-a-blog-blog-post today, first time I’ve written about anything worthwhile haha.


Life Experience, University

0 / 3,000 Words Achieved Thus Far…

This is precisely how I feel while trying to start writing a massive essay that I don’t feel is particularly relevant to life at the moment. Meh.

Sam would care to share the source(s) of his inspiration:

And he would also care to share with you his recent listening habits:

Now, back to straining my tired brain as Sam watches eagerly over my shoulder. Ciao.

Life Experience, University

“Dreams Don’t Turn to Dust”

Okay, you got me. So the Owl City song Dreams Don’t Turn to Dust has no relevance to what I’m about to write, but my figuring is that it has the word ‘dreams’ in it, giving you an overall impression of what I’m gonna talk about tonight. Wow. It makes me wonder how people can stand me at times.

Anyhow, I had this weirdly vivid dream last night about me and a friend. Now, I’m sure that most adults have had a dream or two about getting intimate with a friend and, to be honest, I found it pretty scary. I mean, consciously I feel nothing for this guy other than the fact that he’s one of my good friends and, yes, I do like him but not in that way. I have already told this to my other friend and she’s resolved it for me, so apologies to her if she’s reading this thinking I didn’t believe her, because I did. However, that’s beside the point. My argument is that now I feel all awkward around him like he knows what this dream was about, or that he can just read it off my face – which he probably can because I have the worst poker face on the planet, if I even have one at all. Alright, I know I’m being irrational and this is probably one of the most pointless posts I’ve written, but when ya gotta spill what’s in your head, you just gotta let it out. Of course, I’m not going to mention any names and God forbid if he actually reads this – which I doubt because my readers are pretty minimal at this stage, right?

So yeah, awkward conversations (on my part), awkward eye contact (again, on my part) and awkward, awkward, awkward images now in my head, pray to God, not also in his.