Last night I couldn’t sleep, which is something that I really despise and can’t deal with very well. Luckily, I’m usually good with just blacking out at bedtime and waking up refreshed but something was plaguing me at 2am. I’m not 100% sure what, but I can hazard a pretty good guess that it was finance related. I’m waiting to hear back from the bank about an overdraft and to be honest, it’s draining me. Because of the bank holiday yesterday – convenient – I’ve had to wait an extra day to find out and ultimately, it means the difference between being able to pay rent or forfeiting money for driving lessons, which is what I really want.
So there I was, now 2:01 (gets me thinking about Taylor Swift and all the times she mentions being wide awake at this time) still thinking about money but now also thinking about my musical idol. I tried to relax, so hard, but clearly that was the wrong way to go about it. I scanned Facebook again, which I think was a bad idea and seemed to make everything 10x worse – my eyes now bulging thanks to the light of my phone. I went to the loo, opened the window, tried to find the most comfortable and cosy position but nothing, absolutely nothing was working and I was starting to piss myself off, which again was also a bad idea. If this is similar to what it’s like being an insomniac then no-thank-you, and oh my gosh if you are how do you even deal?
I was now mad, in bed, but suddenly, I was instantly transported to July 2013, a time in my life when I used to lay awake at night, stressing and alone, unhappy and disheartened. This, I seem to remember wasn’t a great moment in my life (I’ll spare you the details) and I recall vividly how I felt lying mindlessly awake in the middle of the night. It wasn’t nice. This vision led me to think about a writing project that I’m working on and I thought, My head is really chock full at the moment, let’s release some of that tension. Light on, out of bed, I clambered for the nearest notebook (plenty lying around my bedroom as the years have gone on) and pen and started scribbling. It was interestingly a huge relief, I didn’t expect it to work instantly but I knew it had been the right thing to do. Even though I wasn’t writing about my money worries, it took my mind off it for a while and I was able to concentrate on something that’s actually important to me. It was around fifteen minutes before the familiar drying of my eyes happened and I was having to blink heavier. I wrapped it up, put it aside, turned off the lamp and fell fast asleep, just like that.
This morning, however, I’ve woken up at half 7, giving me a roundabout total of five hours’ sleep… Cool. If the bank gives me the answer I want, it should all be worth it…fingers crossed.