Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 5

It’s sad really, that you needed to leave.

It’s sad that your heart wasn’t strong enough to stay, that you didn’t have the willpower to fix things, or to open up space in your heart to fit me.

It’s sad that you have felt this for a long time, that you pretended all was well.

It’s sad that you have led a lie for the last few months.

It’s sad that you were not brave enough to face your feelings when you first saw them. It’s sad that you waited for the ‘perfect moment’, as though I was just a pawn in your game.

It’s sad that you think in logistics, not emotions.

It’s sad that you don’t hurt, when you have caused pain to the person you have claimed you care about the most.

It’s sad that your reasons were ‘in my best interests’ and it’s sad that you don’t realise how much better you have made my life since you left.

 

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Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 1

To think you were my life for more than two years and now you are not…

But I don’t feel…

I cried when you left and I did not stop for 48 hours

And then I realised
That I am strong.

I don’t need someone like you to justify me
I don’t need you.

I will miss you, your humour, your face, your warmth.

But I will not cry for you again.

Because I am strong.
And I don’t need you.

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Life Experience

Unhappy Bunny

It’s not been the best of days so far, I won’t lie. I’m cold, tired and done. As part of my job I go with a student to another school and we rely on taxis for the journeys there and back and for the last couple of days they’ve all been late. Today I found myself standing in the sleet and the wind waiting, late for our film club back at the original school. I’m late to that and I’m starving because situations made it impossible to have lunch. My nail polish has chipped and I still haven’t got warm despite the radiators being in full blast in this classroom. Cold to the bones. And this all before I look forward to an hour’s drive and subsequent half hour walk home. But do you know what’s okay? My food shopping arrived today and we have more than double the amount of kids at Film club tonight. Even though some of them are laughing at their phones rather than watching Home Alone

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Life Experience, World

The Infamous Holiday Blues

And so, dear friends, yesterday I returned home from my fifth and final trip this year. Jersey, as I’m sure many of you are aware, is one

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of the Channel Islands; the biggest to be specific, but that’s irrelevant. We’ve been going to Jersey ever since I can remember; my parents have been going since before I was born and it’s been the main family holiday destination. So, it’s kinda obvious that this tiny island holds a special place in my heart. Cheesy, I know, but relatively accurate. And that’s exactly what makes it harder and harder to leave each year. I would say that Jersey for me is more of a personal getaway than just somewhere to relax because I know it so well, almost as well as Leeds, I suppose, which is great because I find it really hard to tell where I am and things like that. Another thing that I love about going there is the actual place that we stay: Au Caprice Guest House because we know the owners really well and we all get on fantastically. I dare say that if we hadn’t discovered this hotel 10 or so years ago, we wouldn’t still be visiting the island because of the changes that are taking place, but I digress.

I mean, it’s natural that everyone gets a little down and depressed when reality smacks them in the face when they come home from a holiday, but it’s just so hard to tear myself away from the island. Particularly after such an action-packed year of trips, A Levels and generic teenage stress, so it’s been good to relax and enjoy myself for a couple of weeks without worrying about anything. What I really miss about Jersey is the atmosphere; it’s just so peaceful and quiet. One of my favourite places on the island is the Five Mile Beach at St Ouen’s because you can literally walk onto the sand by yourself and not cross paths with another person for hours.

However, now, unfortunately, I guess it’s back to the hustle bustle of everyday life. Oh I wish. You see, I’m sure you have figured that I shoot off to university on the 18th of September in York and I hate to admit that my whole life is going to change. I suppose that’s another reason why I found it even harder to leave Jersey this year; because I know I’m going to have to grow up in less than a fortnight. Well, in terms of living by myself anyway. I wonder if I’ll go back to that little island next year, or has that been my last ever family holiday? We’ll see, we’ll just have to wait…and see.

Check out my page about Jersey for more information!