Life Experience

I miss…

A video showed up in my Facebook notifications from nearly four years ago, back when I was in first year at university. Even though I’m only in touch with two out of the eight or nine people in that 30 second video, I miss a lot about that year.

It was a difficult year, though, with an awful lot of wasted effort and hard work on relationships, romantic or otherwise, that turned into nothing. It was a year that taught me about people, and how to deal with different personalities, whether they clashed with mine or not. That year taught me how to love someone and how to deal with their absence and the way they crushed out relationships. It also taught me that not everyone is truthful and that people are quite capable of being hurtful without too much of a conscience to hold them back.

What I miss, however, is spending time with different people every day, not knowing who would rock up that evening or who you’d be staying up late with, sharing secrets and chatting about anything and everything. I miss the ridiculous fancy dress outfits and (in a weird way) the drama that surrounded daily life. It’s an interesting psychological challenge to try to suss people out.

I miss going to lectures and learning new things, I miss going to different people’s houses/flats for dinner and I miss going out at least twice a week to let down my hair and party with whoever I was friends with at the time.

I’m an entirely different person to who I was in first year, in 2011/12. Anybody that I knew then, you probably don’t know me now and there’s a chance that we would get on now after we’ve all changed through the last three to four years. Many times, I think about reaching out to those I lost touch with, but then remember it’s probably not worth it. This time in four years I will likely miss the peace of living with friends and the freedom of not having a proper career. Who knows where I’ll be, or even who I’ll be.

So for anybody just starting out at university in their first year, treasure it. You might find it hard, you might find your best friends, you might even find yourself, but take lots of pictures and make lots of memories. Just enjoy the feelings of knowing anyone in the world can impact on your life at this very moment.

Life Experience

15th January, 2013

Two years ago today, my Grandad passed away. It’s still hard to even think about or discuss but I feel like I have to honour the day somehow. Sometimes people don’t want to listen to stories about another person’s grandparent, but I have to say something. My plan was to write a book – I even got a nice leather bound one for the job and everything – about all of his stories that he used to tell me because I want to preserve them somehow. He was one of those that repeats all the time, telling the same story ten times over, but I never stopped him. I used to like hearing him talk about his role in post-war Africa and his time in the mines. He was the best storyteller I knew, not because of any great showmanship or performance, but because it was so obvious that he loved telling them. He laughed at every funny part of the tale, and would always brush over any sad parts. There’s no sadness to my Grandad that I ever remember, he was always happy and smiling.

But now…I can’t even recall a story. I’m sure I wrote them down somewhere, but I can’t remember much that he’d said, not a full story anyway, just bits. I’m struggling to remember the sound of his voice but somewhere, I have a cassette tape waiting to be played again. I once recorded an ‘interview’ I did with him at primary school about what life was like in Britain during WW2 and I have it…in my room. I’m not sure I’m quite ready to listen to it yet but I will be soon I think.

He was just so full of life and believed in everything that I did, which I think is what hurts the most. He always said I could do something if I put my mind to it and that everything would work out okay in the end. I can’t even count how many times I’ve needed to hear that in the last two years, especially the last six months.

I didn’t mean to make this post sad, but it’s kind of a sad day for the family today. Grandad, I miss you, I really do, just hope you’re living it up in there.