Life Experience, Work, World

My Job Application to the World

Dear World,

I am Brittany Lee Holmes, a 22 year old Film and Television graduate from Yorkshire. I’m currently working as a sales assistant at two different places – a boutique store in the centre of York and the biggest and best railway museum in the country. This isn’t, however, what I want, understandably. My ultimate goal is to be a writer – fictional, journalistic, factual, anything, whether it’s under my own self-employment or within a company. I have a passion for the written word and feel that because it comes to me naturally, I could be successful with it.

My jobs at the moment are to earn money and gain experience in sales because marketing is an area that I have looked at. I have experience in customer service; making people happy and helping them in any way possible. I can handle cash accurately – something that seems to be becoming outdated and old fashioned now that cards and contactless payments are accessible to mostly everyone. Both of my jobs are on the front line, meeting people that are but strangers to me and dealing with some negativity. This is making me a stronger person. After being a meek teenager in high school and sixth form, working at the forefront of these businesses has made me blossom into a confident 22 year old who isn’t afraid of what people have to say to me, regarding the company that I am working for. The nature of my work means that I encounter complaints and unhappy customers, but after many experiences of this, I have developed a hard shell against it and adopted the mindset that it’s not me personally that they can be angry at. I am the face of the company for that few hours every week and nothing they can say will affect me.

My confidence is booming and after working in a high school for a year, I have perfected my poker face and a tone of voice that can send teenagers packing in an instant. I have learned how to command a room, how to grab the attention of disinterested 12 year olds and how to laugh off immature insults like they were little drops of rain. Not only has my time working in a high school given me a much needed confidence boost, it has also shown me what it’s like to work in a big, bustling environment. The job was varied and often I was expected to undertake tasks for which I’d had no training and I achieved things at that school that I never would have imagined I could achieve. I made a lot of friends at the school from all different departments – teachers, receptionists, health professionals, dinner ladies, principals and it’s really given me an insight into how everything runs and how educational establishments function. The reason I undertook this position was to get a taster of what it was like to work in a school because I’d been considering going into teaching. As it happens, I don’t want to be a teacher (yet) but I count it as a significant part of my life that gave me lots of valuable experience and skills I never knew I could have.

I’m applying to the world, appealing to anyone who should read this blog, in the hope that someone, somewhere will read my words and learn a little about my story. I’m not on the look out for someone to give me a wonderful job (as amazing as that would be) but I want this blogging community to know that yes, I’m working somewhere I wouldn’t necessarily choose and no, I’ve not yet given up hope. I’m writing everyday; I will never give up that dream. I shelved the ambition to be a film director a couple of years ago, but being a writer is something that I can really see myself doing and being successful through it.

So, world, hear me. Hear what my little voice has to say and accept me, take me, find me a place in this cut-throat business and let me be useful. Let me speak to the world and let me be who I am. I’m not a sales assistant, I’m not a teaching assistant, I am a writer, I am Brittany Lee Holmes.

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Life Experience, University

Dear ‘Ruth’

Vulnerable and eager in the early days of September, 2011, I was looking for someone to trust and to befriend, someone that I could shed all my secrets to, someone who could come with me to compare dresses out shopping, someone who was on the same wave length as me. And I found you; quickly and wholeheartedly you introduced yourself into the void in my life.

Dear Ruth,

Over the last year or so, I’ve really changed; I don’t think I’m even the same person that you used to know and you might not even recognise me. It’s been about three years since we last spoke and this message to you, whether you are aware of it or not, is about how you influenced my life. I want to say thank you, Ruth for everything you did, all you contributed in those delicate few months that we were friends. We did have a good run at the start of university but I had to learn the hard way how you could be so affected by a boy and in turn how you could affect the other people around you, people who I thought were also my friends.

I first questioned your personality when you, despite rummaging through my wardrobe on a daily basis, refused to lend me clothes because there would be no way they would fit me. Being a size 10/12 compared to your slight 6/8 obviously meant that I was too large for you and your designer clothes and I forget now how many times you told me I didn’t eat enough humus or lettuce. You were also keen to tell me that my then boyfriend was a bad idea and even though you thought it was funny to flirt with him and sit on his lap, you still found it appropriate to tell me how pathetic our relationship was. It was important to you to one-up everybody, to be worse off, or on occasion, better. Nobody could have anything without you having more or less. Even though I have a cracked bone in my foot, your size 3 feet are more painful because of your 4 inch size 2 heels. You used to take pleasure in telling me that my university course was not as good as yours and that your course mates were just the best, whereas I’m aware that you no longer speak to yours and I still live with mine. I remember going out with my course friends, and finding that before leaving the house you would lock yourself away with the other housemates, and I wouldn’t see you the next day because you’d all decided to take an early shopping trip together, despite knowing I was in the house and not in a lecture.

Ruth, I could have lived with all of this; everyone has flaws, mine aren’t great and I sometimes wonder why people stick with me, but you took it too far. Deciding that your ex boyfriend who you had dated for no more than two months was the be all and end all was not what I would have imagined you to do. Screaming at me in the middle of a nightclub about how my then boyfriend was talking to other women – oh no! – and then leaving with the other girls was something that I will never forget. Screaming at me in a different nightclub for a second time after we had moved into a house together and then leaving me alone in that nightclub is something that I can never forgive you for. You listened to your ex boyfriend who told you that I was interested in him and you abandoned me in the middle of the night, a thirty-five minute walk from a new home in a new neighbourhood that I’d been told was risky at night. You didn’t believe me when I told you that he was lying, but you had made up your mind. From then on you made the next three days in that house effectively hell. I heard you calling me names to the other girls, I saw you hiding and moving my stuff and I remember you leaving the house unlocked while I was sleeping so you could go on a night out. Part of me wishes I had dropped the deadbolt on the door, but what would have been the point in stooping to your level?

Normally, letters to people are full of forgiveness and sometimes blessings, but I can’t forgive you. What I can do is thank you. Thank you for forcing me to move out of the new house to then live with my real friends. Even though I began paying two rents on two houses in that year, I was happy. Thank you, Ruth, for all your malice because, without it, I may not have met my wonderful boyfriend. I would not have gained stronger relationships with people who are still my best friends. I don’t think I would be where I am today without your vindictive assistance and even though you make me shudder inside and make my heart turn cold when I see you, I thank you for all of that. I sincerely hope that you remember everything that happened, but I can imagine that you continue to have your rose-tinted side of things. Brittany, what a bitch who tried to steal your boyfriend and always left you to see her course friends, you must have felt so hard done by. But, in all honesty, thank you for indirectly bringing me to a better group of people, to a better university life because for the most part, my first year was dampened down by you.

You really showed me what some people can be capable of, and you really, really changed my life. So thank you, Ruth for everything. I don’t assume our paths will ever cross again but for the minuscule amount of time that you affected my life, thanks and I won’t ever, ever forget it. If you are reading this, I’m certain that you’ll know this is you even though Ruth isn’t your real name and I sincerely hope you read it with integrity, attention and with an open mind. This letter to you is my official goodbye, and I can safely say that after writing this, I feel a large weight and concern has been lifted from my shoulders and I can continue to stand tall and proud.

Love Brittany.