Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 4

I was really shocked when you left. Devastated, in fact. I cried for hours. I was sick and unwell.

My heart bled and my chest had caved in. I have a hole in my heart, where you used to be. But I have been patching the edges of the hole back together, and now there is no room for you anymore.

My heart is for me and the people around me; my family and my friends have my heart. Your piece is grey and dry and crumbles beneath your touch.

You are not really anything to me now, other than a back hole that I have almost finished fixing.

 

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Misc.

About Me

Be sure to check on my About Me page every now and then, as I frequently update the pictures! At the moment there’s about 13 on there and I try to make them as recent as possible because it’s amazing how much you can change in just a few months. For example, now I have decided to scrap contact lenses and wear glasses for the time being because I fell in love with my new specs (and I’m sick of having a bland face with invisible eyebrows).

You also get to spy pictures of my friends, but unfortunately they don’t all have blogs for you to stalk apart from Lisa, which you can find hereΒ (although its last update was 2012 – come on Lisa!)

https://briholme.wordpress.com/about/

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Travel

London!

11225077_10207052715189268_8371024550101015735_nThis time last week I was rushing around like a headless chicken, trying to fit the dentist in Castleford around posting a
parcel and travelling from York to London.

Miss Lisa Cooke, my partner in crime and best buddy lives down there with a few others including another bestie of mine – Alice. Now, in no more than one word those couple of days were absolutely: fabulous!

It’s always a treat when you get reunited with such good friends and to us it felt like no time had elapsed at all. Everything felt normal and just as it always had done, except this time we were further south than before. It was wonderful though, as well, to actually see London for the first time since I was about ten years old. I remember going on the London Eye and round the Natural History Museum, but that’s about it. This time, I got to see all the wonderful things that London has to offer.

We spent hours walking around South Bank, got to see St Pauls, wandered in a few famous stores, things like that. We went in a couple of the museums there, which were justΒ great and had a look around Camden Market. The big thing, however, that not everyone does when they go to London, was visiting The London Cat Village. A little cafe, tucked away in East London, you book an appointment and go sip tea alongside lovely little kitties. Yes, real cats. It only lasted an hour out of the two days but it was really magical and something truly unique. I’ve only heard of a few cat cafes but I’m adamant that there should be some more. I have never felt more relaxed and oh my goodness they were all so adorable and fluffy!

I literally had the best time in London and I was really sad to come home. Leaving good friends behind like that is never nice but I suppose I’m lucky for the world that we live in, being able to stay in touch so easily.

I’m really glad I’ve been able to experience London properly, however, it did make me realise I am a bit of a country bumpkin – mainly when more than three people across both days couldn’t understand my Yorkshire accent. It’s an incredibly fast and busy world down there, I don’t think I would be able to keep up. I think I’d like to keep the novelty of riding on the tube just that – a novelty – and not a commute.

Next time, I’m determined to go see a show and I’m sure Lisa wouldn’t mind coming along with me…

Here are some pictures from my visit πŸ™‚

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Life Experience

I miss…

A video showed up in my Facebook notifications from nearly four years ago, back when I was in first year at university. Even though I’m only in touch with two out of the eight or nine people in that 30 second video, I miss a lot about that year.

It was a difficult year, though, with an awful lot of wasted effort and hard work on relationships, romantic or otherwise, that turned into nothing. It was a year that taught me about people, and how to deal with different personalities, whether they clashed with mine or not. That year taught me how to love someone and how to deal with their absence and the way they crushed out relationships. It also taught me that not everyone is truthful and that people are quite capable of being hurtful without too much of a conscience to hold them back.

What I miss, however, is spending time with different people every day, not knowing who would rock up that evening or who you’d be staying up late with, sharing secrets and chatting about anything and everything. I miss the ridiculous fancy dress outfits and (in a weird way) the drama that surrounded daily life. It’s an interesting psychological challenge to try to suss people out.

I miss going to lectures and learning new things, I miss going to different people’s houses/flats for dinner and I miss going out at least twice a week to let down my hair and party with whoever I was friends with at the time.

I’m an entirely different person to who I was in first year, in 2011/12. Anybody that I knew then, you probably don’t know me now and there’s a chance that we would get on now after we’ve all changed through the last three to four years. Many times, I think about reaching out to those I lost touch with, but then remember it’s probably not worth it. This time in four years I will likely miss the peace of living with friends and the freedom of not having a proper career. Who knows where I’ll be, or even who I’ll be.

So for anybody just starting out at university in their first year, treasure it. You might find it hard, you might find your best friends, you might even find yourself, but take lots of pictures and make lots of memories. Just enjoy the feelings of knowing anyone in the world can impact on your life at this very moment.

Life Experience, University

A Guide for Freshers

I’ve just spent the last couple of days entertaining my baby sister who came to stay with me in York and it’s been great – we’ve done loads of shopping, eaten some quality food, watched a film or two and had some worthy discussions. Except, she’s not my baby sister anymore. She’s 19 and about to go to uni in two weeks in Liverpool. That’s far.. It got me thinking about how scared I was before I went to uni and how many emotional breakdowns I had before I even got there. It’s a really, really stressful and daunting experience and I’m afraid that there’s no one out there who can tell you what it’s going to be like. No one has the exact same experience at university and unfortunately there isn’t a rule book or a guide telling you what’s going to happen or what to do. What I have managed, however (and I’ll be passing this onto Mols) is a vague guide of what to generally expect and what opportunities to jump at. This is the director’s cut of the original list that I ended up writing:

  • Always carry an umbrella and some change
  • If you have a 3 hour class at 4pm, take a can of energy drink – you’ll really need it
  • Sometimes you’ll be in the library til it closes (or until the sun rises if it’s 24 hour) and that’s okay, you’ll feel great
  • Get to know at least one tutor well
  • Absolutely no one cares how you are dressed in lectures
  • Sometimes the syllabus says you need to buy a textbook and the tutor says you don’t – check before you buy! (also, it’s probz in the library)
  • Having a 2am – 11am sleep schedule is okay
  • Don’t take drinks from random people
  • Take notes by hand – it sinks in better
  • Always keep an emergency stash of loo roll in your room for your use only
  • Jump at every opportunity to do something fun – don’t leave yourself out, you deserve the fun
  • Go to every event with free food
  • Stay up talking til the sun rises
  • Take lots of pictures
  • Be yourself

I know there’s lots of people around the country, around the world at this moment still shopping for uni supplies, still stressing about making friends and I wish I could tell you exactly how it’s going to pan out, but you are the only person who can take this journey and you will be the only person who affects your university experience at first. When friends come along, things change and you’ll watch each other develop into functional adults (even though it doesn’t feel like it).

I sometimes wish I could start university all over again, but when I remember how much I was dreading it and how scared I was, I’m glad I’ve already done that. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world, though. University has made me who I am and has given me the friends that I need. Best decision I ever made to go, hands down.

Life Experience

How to live with friends and not kill each other

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Living with other people is hard. Nevermind being told you can’t go out to that party or have that last bar of chocolate by your mum and dad, or when to go to bed; it’s hard living with other adults. Like everything in this world there are positives and negatives and living with your friends when you’re grown up is an all round positive. What’s most difficult about living with others are the little niggles that you experience every day.

Each and every one of us is different and it’s impossible to be best friends with everyone all of the time. People are annoying, it’s a fact of life, you’re going to get pissed off with your housemates / flatmates / roommates so what I’ve devised is a little tip list of how to deal with those pesky situations that are otherwise awkward and on the edge of becoming dramatic if the right thing doesn’t happen.

1. Passive aggression does not work.

The toilet roll hasn’t been replaced, the washing up hasn’t been done, someone keeps their shoes in the middle of the kitchen – it makes your blood boil and you stand there seething in your own fury for around five minutes. You think ‘Ohh I’ll tell ’em this time! This isn’t right!’ And you write a very specifically worded note and stick it on the fridge, or the bathroom mirror, wherever it’s relevant. Uh-oh. This isn’t the way to go, friends. There are two outcomes of leaving passive aggressive notes; 1) the person in question won’t even notice and things won’t change or 2) you’ll piss them off and you’ll fall out in silence and awkwardly. It’s not ideal. If it’s really a huge problem to your existence in the house, tell them; they’ll probably appreciate your honesty and you won’t get mad at each other. But if it’s really not that bad, do you feel you can let it go? Just stop, take a deep breath and remember that everyone was brought up differently and has different habits.

2. Calm down at 11pm

Unless you’re all drinking and going out, partying the night away, it’s always a good idea to start to wind down at 11pm. People up early for work know that others aren’t and are generally accepting of shenanigans until about 11, because then it gets a bit late and silly (think about the neighbours too, arguments like that aren’t worth it!). You’ve got to remember that everyone has their own commitments, so whether that’s going to work at 6am or getting up for a 9am lecture, it’s only fair if everyone respects each other’s sleep. Happy sleep = happy life.

3. Hang out together

Living with people means that you’re sometimes under each other’s feet and all you want to do is spend time by yourself to get some peace and quiet. Me time is great, but it’s also important to hang out with each other and remind yourselves that you are indeed friends. If all you talk about is household chores and bills and she didn’t do this and he didn’t do that, it’s easy to forget the good times. Go to the local pub, go out for a meal together, even cook a meal together and then watch a movie. Just spend time together rather than existing around each other.

4. Celebrate and praise each other

This goes for birthdays, promotions, good grades, getting out of bed, anything! Particularly birthdays because the responsibility has been passed from their parents onto you. It’s your job to show them that their birthday matters, so stick up some banners and get them a card and present; it’s important for people to feel remembered and appreciated. And if someone gets promoted, go out and buy them a pint! You want to show everyone that you care about their achievements because you’re all in this together – being young is really hard.

Sharing a house with other people as we’ve seen fromΒ Friends and other such popular entertainment, is one of the best things you can do. To have your best friends on tap is something special that you can’t get anywhere else. It’s also one of the hardest things to do because everyone is so different and has known different ways of living. But it’s an experience to learn how other people live and it more often than not benefits you as a person. Just, the biggest rule of all is, don’t be a jerk. Remember that you’re all friends and keep your relationships alive by spending good quality time together and it’ll be a breeze.

Food and Drink, Misc.

It’s Always a Good Time

It’s been quite a busy weekend in the realm of Holmes and I’m feeling good. There are two days left of this internship and let’s be honest…it’s about time. I’m ready for the next chapter (I have been since January, but we’ll skip over that) and I feel like something important is on the horizon. I could be very wrong, but for the first time in a while I feel reasonably positive about the upcoming weeks.

I was invited to a Macmillan Night In on Friday evening which turned out to be a truly excellent event; not only were more than £100 raised, but it was also highly enjoyable, excluding the very sore head that I had in the morning 😦

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Props for the Macmillan night in
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Aaarrhhh
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Fish pie with homemade chips and vegetables

After recovering on Saturday morning, Mum and Dad brought me back to York for a lovely pub lunch and a spot of shopping in the city centre, which is always nice because I never see it anymore, with working in Castleford for the last year. I didn’t buy anything, except a bathroom bin (loving adulthood, by the way) and a pasta bake for dinner.Β Then Lisa arrived at my house! This girl disappeared off to London to live the high life and we never get to see each other but nothing ever changes when we actually do; it’s like she’s never been away. So together with Sam we enjoyed nice night in with some cider and movies rather than going out on the razz which I’m pretty sure I would not have managed..

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Fools. (Lisa and I)
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Movies, cider and PJs

Yesterday (Sunday) Lisa and I took a trip into town again for some shopping (shampoo and nail polish this time) and then a nice relaxed afternoon in a coffee shop. What’s been especially great about this weekend is that it’s gone quite slowly at a nice pace. I think it’s because I know this whole ordeal is coming to an end. I’m planning on writing a long honest piece about my experience here because I think it’s changed me. It needs analysing; was it really that bad of a time (probably)?

Here’s to the next two days of – hopefully – quizzes and random DVDs in lessons. πŸ™‚

Film, Life Experience, World

Happy 2nd of January!

My bad, I missed New Years Eve and the first day of 2015, but whatever, I’ve had things to do and people to see as we all have! It’s been a sweet turning of the year; I’ve spent it with my friends and boyfriend, staying in instead of going out on the town and getting sweaty and annoyed. Staying in was bliss, actually. Similar to last year when I went to a house party, but this was something different. There were four of us in the house, playing games, eating Waitrose party food and drinking Bucks Fizz and cider. It was actually a really nice way to finish of 2014. Going out on NYE just isn’t my scene. Neither is on a Saturday night either but that’s another story…

So here we are. Two thousand and fifteen years. Woah, quite a hefty number right? And in my opinion, the most futuristic sounding of the years. 2014, to me, sounded normal, just comes after 2013, right? But 2015…I don’t know. There’s something about it that sounds very far in the future… Now maybe that’s because I am very partial to the Back to the Future franchise and the year in the future which they visit is 2015 (*squee!*) and it’s all in the future with flying cars and such. Well, we don’t have those or hover boards but technology has developed like I don’t know what. I’m writing this on an iPad, imagine showing that to someone in 1985? They’d probz try to write on it with a pen or something. Noo, I joke. I think that’s what scariest to me about 2015, it sounds like the future but it’s not…omg it’s now, it’s right now. This is my 23rd year on this earth and I feel like I should have achieved a little more than this. So, scarily, this is going to be my pivotal year. I’m going to change my life this year, I’m going to decide what I want from my future and I’m going to bloody go get it.

Oh and I’ll also learn how to drive, which is pretty life changing I would say.

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Entertainment, Film, University

Crazy Mad

Looking back through old posts is insanely weird. I just read one from two years ago, talking about having a fun day with my housemates. By housemates I mean those from first year who I now no longer speak to or can even bear thinking about without getting crazy mad. Sparing you of the deets, it’s just weird how you can go from being someone’s best friend to their worst enemy (usually without doing anything…#lol) and just forget their existence. Now I have a completely different circle of friends and a wonderful guy who is super duper ace and lovely. I’ll venture away from the gooey now.

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We’re almost ready to start shooting our first third year film and it’s getting pretty stressful. I don’t know if you’ve been reading my Perks of Being a Sound Designer blog (link in the post below) but we’re doing really well and even though it’s hard, it’s a lot of fun. Also, next Monday I’m off on a trip to Poland with uni which is going to be awesome πŸ˜€ in case you’re wondering it’s to the Camerimage Film Festival in Bygod…Bygozdc…By-something and I am excited πŸ™‚

Also, it’s my birthday on Friday. Gonna be 21. Olddddd. But yeah, looking forward to the next couple of weeks ^_^

Life Experience, University, World

You’re my bestest friend….but only on this street

I’ve just been pegging out the washing, being the amazing housewife-in-training that I am (it would seem -_-) and there were two kids playing outside on the back street, probably about 6 years old. Ah, takes me back. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a 20 year old undergraduate, but that’s something for a different post. They were riding bikes and stopped just outside our garden wall and the girl turned to the boy and said in the most sincere way, “Did you know I started the fashion of long hair?” It was all I could do to not giggle, it was adorable. I even thought of writing a status about it on Facebook, but then I thought I could dig something out of it that would suit a WordPress post.

Congratulations if you’ve read this far πŸ˜‰ The boy didn’t reply to her, so I thought the conversation was done with, and I went back inside to get more washing. When I came back out they were talking again but the boy said, “You know you’re my bestest friend, only on this street.” She replied with, “Including Tony?” and his response was, “Yes, my dear, including Tony.” Okay, I may have embroidered that last one a little, they’re from Yorkshire, they’re not going to be that posh. And it just made me want to jump in a time machine and head back to when I was six and I knew exactly who my friends were and who I wasn’t so much friends with. This year has been particularly notorious for struggling with various types of relationships and I just thought ‘Why can’t it be as simple and innocent as back then when you didn’t have any emotions in particular that could affect your life?’ The biggest decision is whether to have Skittles or Maltesers and whether to wear your pink t shirt withΒ  a unicorn on it or the orange dress that your Nana thinks you look simply adorable in.

I do love my friends though and everybody that’s in my life. Everybody is so important to me in their own different way and I wouldn’t change any of them. Which is why I’ve now decided that I don’t actually want to go back. Relationships are complicated because each person is so vastly different to the next, even if they are the best of friends. All I want now is for uni to last forever *sob sob*.

Love your friends.

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