Film, Life Experience

One for the History Books…

Sunday 20th August is going down in history as one of the greatest days of my life, and I know this already because it will be the day that I finally pick up my very first, very own, not-very-new car!

I passed my test in mid-July after taking double lessons every week for 6 months and since then I’ve been driving my Dad’s car to and from my Nana’s, to the shops, to see friends and to pick up my sister from work – nothing too exciting unfortunately. BUT the point is that I am driving after being desperate to for years.

The independence you get from driving is incredible, there’s nothing else like it, especially when you’ve relied on England’s horrendous public transport every day, or have had to beg for lifts when the usually buses fail. It feels like something people take for granted, but I’m still amazed that I can literally hop in the car and go wherever I want, whenever I want.

I feel that a lot of people do actually take driving for granted, and see it as a right more than a privilege, which is a shame. I’m sure you know that when you’re a learner, you experience a lot of aggression from people who might be annoyed that you’re going as fast as the speed limit, or get frustrated if you stall the car, somehow forgetting that they were also a learner driver once.

Since passing, I’ve had a green P plate fixed to the back of the car which I’d like to think creates a bit of a bubble around me (it doesn’t); but in theory it serves as a warning to people that I’m still finding my feet with driving a car on my own without the observations of an instructor. However, it by no means curbs any aggression from people. Sometimes, it actually makes it worse, but getting a thicker skin while driving is something that I’m definitely working on each time I’m on the road.

Back to the excitement however, all that aside, by Sunday evening I will be the proud owner of a little A-B, runaround vehicle, my very own bright blue four wheels! I can’t wait, I can’t physically wait. Please do anticipate a myriad of photos when I have him (he’s called Marty)! Ah!

P.S. It’s not a DeLorean unfortunately…

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Writing

New Story: A Change of City

New bit of flash fiction added to the site today! Inspired by my favourite band’s song A Change of Heart, it’s a small piece about being in the very moment of a break-up.

I could see the desperation in her eyes but her lips remained sealed. Her expression revealed everything, but she would never admit it. She would never admit when she was hurt, when I was hurting her.

Minutes dragged by as I watched her hold in tears. “Is there someone else?” Her sweet anger made me smile internally, and I was careful not to show it on my face.

“There is always someone else,” I explained, unsure how….[read more]

Misc.

7 Years!

It’s 7 years since I registered with WordPress and started this whole journey. I can’t even think what I was up to 7 years ago, when I was a stupid little 17 year old.

I will have been at sixth form, studying Media, English etc at my school and I was probably with my first boyfriend at the time…gross.

According to Timehop, I tweeted “I feel like shit…oh..what’s new?” because I was so cryptic and borderline emo back then. I remember having the most ridiculous bob haircut which absolutely did not suit me no matter what my mum kept telling me so it’s no wonder I was feeling like shit. I used to wear nothing but plaid shirts and jeans, with knock-off Converse.

Okay, stop, stop, I don’t think I can talk about the embarrassing pre-18 year old that I was when I used to proclaim that I would never drink alcohol – hilarious – or that I would be with that boyfriend for the rest of my life – let’s not go there please.

I can’t wait to see where I am when my WordPress anniversary comes around next year. 2016 has been a barrel of utter shite, and hopefully 2017 will be a delightful improvement.

Misc.

Do It Yourself

On a sunny day in October, I packed up my room in York and escaped back to Leeds. Five years in the historic town definitely served me well but for one reason or another aka boys, it was absolutely time for me to go.

Moving back in with your parents is never easy, even when you get on as well as I do with mine. However, the turbulent teenage years are far behind us and at 23 (now 24) I had no worries about coming back home.

There’s always a sense of failure when you have to go home, even if it’s straight after uni. When you’ve lived for so long independently and all of a sudden you have to live under someone’s rules, go back to a single bed and sacrifice your personalised TV schedule.

Not only that, but if you haven’t lived in your old bedroom for a good few years, chances are the decor is not exactly to your current tastes…as was the case for me. I decided before I even stepped through the door that I was going to change it. The lilac flowers and mauve wooden dado rail had to go.

Step 1: Choose a wallpaper. This was far harder than it should have been, but it seems that wallpaper just isn’t the decoration of choice anymore. Options were limited and I almost considered just painting the whole thing. A huge DIY shop in town, however provided me with this gorgeous owl paper. I can’t get enough of it.

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Beautiful, right?

I love how light and bright it is, and it has really warmed up my room (not that it needed extra heat, but it certainly feels more homely.

Here are a series of pictures showing the (tiny) room going from a 13 year old’s lilac hue to a sophisticated single 24 year old’s room. Holy shit, I’m 24. Still can’t get over that.

Life Experience, Uncategorized

Getting Back Up Again

I’ve been staring at this screen for a while. The last few weeks, I’ve loaded up WordPress with the intention of writing blog posts, but I always press the red cross. It’s not been worth it, writing. The truth of it is that for the last few months I have experienced the most horrific heartbreak I never thought possible for one human to feel. It meant that anything I wanted to write about was either depressingly miserable, or bitterly nasty. And what good would that do? That wouldn’t help anybody, especially myself and someone involved would likely call me out on it. I know that I’m not entitled to an opinion in this… oops.

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Sorry… ANYWAYS. I have taken now myself out of the situation. It was a very long time between the initial ‘incident’ and actually leaving the awful environment. It was actually only two months but it definitely felt like at least two years. If I had just one piece of advice for if  you are ever forced to live with your ex, it’s this: Don’t.

Just don’t do it. Get yourself out of that situation a.s.a.p. because it is bad for your mental and physical well being. (I have found actually that not many people are as unlucky as me to have to go through with this but it does happen.) I’ve felt like I’ve been going insane for the sad-girl-foot-in-water-black-and-whitelast few weeks, I’ve lost a lot of weight, had no appetite and have been sick and cried a lot. It has been horrendous. And the joke is, it could have been a lot, lot worse. But seeing your ex take up with you someone you live with really has to take the biscuit for things to break your heart. Painful doesn’t really cover it. Hurt doesn’t justify what I felt. Devastated does not even begin to describe the cavernous rip that tore through me…

But that’s not what this blog is about. This post is about the future and how things are starting to look up. I’ve started a Masters degree course at university, I’ve moved back in with my parents, I’m looking at starting driving lessons, I’m going to start swimming again, I’m making new friends, I’m meeting new people.

This blog is about however painful it is, and whatever heartbreak you’re going through whether that’s romantically or because of grief, work, trauma, anything, you will be okay. You are stronger than you think you are. Something I have come to realise is that you never know your true strength until that is all you have left. You might be collapsed on the floor, surrounded by tissues, your chest a gaping and bleeding raw wound. Your hair may be unwashed and you may not have eaten for 24 hours and you may be wearing the same pyjamas as you wore all day yesterday, but trust me when I say that things do get better. It will likely be one tiny step at a time, and the steps may be spread across weeks, but you will absolutely see an improvement in time. Nothing can hold you down so much that you can’t get back up again. Nothing.

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As for me, I’m nowhere near healed yet, and I don’t think I’ll be back to my old self for a long time, but now that I am away from that awful situation, the real work can begin. If you are suffering, all I can say is keep the faith, believe in yourself and go on Pinterest looking for inspirational quotes because you will realise than that you are not alone. Knowing that there are other people going through similar things is a weird kind of comfort when you’re hurting.

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You just have to believe in yourself.

Viking Princess

‘Butt’marks – Viking Princess

We all love cats. In fact we all love animals in general. I’ve spent a lot of time on Pinterest the last few weeks looking for inspiration and the internet is certainly not short of it.

I’d seen a couple of designs of bookmarks that make it look like a kitty is trapped between the pages of the book, so I thought I would have a go… [Read more]

Film, Film and the Female, Review

[FandFBlog] What Makes Interstellar So Great?

[Adapted from my post on Her Story Arc]

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Interstellar (2014) is one of those films that doesn’t suggest in the trailers that it’s going to be as complicated as it is. I still don’t understand what happened or how it all worked, but that’s usually a given with Christopher Nolan films – I’ve watched Inception (2010) many times but still don’t really get that.

In Interstellar, the possibly not too distant future Earth is becoming more and more uninhabitable due to crop losses and huge dust storms. Professor Brand (Michael Caine), a NASA physicist, sends ex-NASA pilot Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) and a highly intelligent team of researches through a wormhole across the galaxy to investigate three planets, to determine whether humans can inhabit any of them.

Click here to read more!

Life Experience

Acupuncture Me

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You may remember from a while back (and I do mean a while) that I was diagnosed with sesamoiditis which is the posh word for stupid annoying painful foot. After two whole steroid injections and the threat of developing arthritis if I had another one, I looked to other cures.

And the short answer is: there are none. This little bone in my foot is going to be cracked forever and the only thing to stop it will be to literally take it away from me. Now this, I Mr-Spock-mr-spock-10874060-1036-730have been warned, is a procedure done a maximum of once a year and there is the impending danger of it turning into what doctors lovingly call a Spock foot, ergo not an option.

So I started looking into preventative measures to try to manage the pain, rather than looking to get rid of it altogether. It was then that I found acupuncture, something I had never even thought of as a remedy (I had always seen it as a luxury treatment, like a massage). Turns out, acupuncture can do a lot for the human body *cue groan from scientists* and can actually help a lot of conditions.

I’ve been going to sessions for a good few weeks now, probably going on for 20, and there has been the most dramatic improvement to the pain in my foot and how I walk. I’m no longer limping, which is fantastic until your right foot realises it has to share the load and then starts having a paddy. But that’s neither here nor there because my left foot is really, really fine. Who knew?!  It’s felt like a magical experience and I can’t quite believe that the stupid bone in my foot is now being calmed down, thanks to crazy thin needles.

I’ve had a few people tell me that it’s hocus pocus and it’s all bullshit, but hey, I’m not limping anymore so… 1-0 to acupuncture.

I’m still going to sessions, because it would be crazy to stop and botch up the wonderful work that Rachel (hi!) has been doing for me. And even though it hurts when the needles go in the bottom of my foot, I still enjoy going because it allows me 20 minutes out of the week to just relax and to just be. It’s incredible what such a short amount of time can do for your well-being.

If you have a condition of sorts, whether it’s anxiety, headaches, rough periods or anything, I would say seriously look into acupuncture as a treatment because you might find it’s entirely worth it.

Also, hi Tom 🙂
Life Experience

“I can’t go out, I’m sick.”

Dedicated to Michael Cornell

When you’re ill and all you want to do is drown in blankets and hot chocolate, and just kim-possible-sickbeing asked ‘are you okay’ makes hot tears seep down your cheeks. Not because of sadness, you just have too much liquid in your face.

Lemsip and tea are the only real medicines that work and sneezing just becomes a fact of life, eventually following a schedule.

How many tissues are in the bin? Or are they actually all inside my brain?

Who decided that breathing is not as important as it used to be? Because I quite enjoyed that when it worked properly.

I’m losing energy like it’s going out of fashion and my eyes feel like tennis balls.

When you’re ill and you can’t even finish a blog post well so you give up and try to find some health from somewhere.

Education, Life Experience, University

Brains, Not Boys

When I graduated in 2014, I knew I wasn’t finished with learning. I always enjoyed schoolwork, and even when I didn’t I threw my all into it regardless. But to complete a Masters degree, like I wanted, I would have to fork out thousands of pounds that I just didn’t have.

And then came the wonderful news that a Postgraduate loan was going to be introduced, kindly provided by Student Finance England, that would add to any undergraduate loans already waiting to be paid off.

I almost didn’t apply for this year because I felt too busy and “there is always next year”. But we all know that tomorrow never comes. Luck would have it that I suddenly became single and was thrown into a pit of unknown. The only way out, I saw it, was to focus only on myself, to better myself and to achieve more.

I’m (hopefully if they love me) going to study at the University of Leeds, on a writing course because…well, as I’ve said many a time on this blog, I want to be a writer. Desperately, truly, it’s all I can think of to do.

If I get in, I’ll be the happiest girl in the world. I’m glad I have transformed into someone whose life is completed by education, rather than by a man*.

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*However, applications are still open, apply within.