Writing

New Story: A Change of City

New bit of flash fiction added to the site today! Inspired by my favourite band’s song A Change of Heart, it’s a small piece about being in the very moment of a break-up.

I could see the desperation in her eyes but her lips remained sealed. Her expression revealed everything, but she would never admit it. She would never admit when she was hurt, when I was hurting her.

Minutes dragged by as I watched her hold in tears. “Is there someone else?” Her sweet anger made me smile internally, and I was careful not to show it on my face.

“There is always someone else,” I explained, unsure how….[read more]

Life Experience

This 14th February, treat yo self

I always liked Valentine’s Day, the romance, the cutesy-ness, the flowers. Love is in the air, as they say at the end of Strictly Ballroom the Musical (my latest obsession).

And a few weeks ago the thought occurred to me that I’ll be single this Valentine’s Day for the first time in a few years. For about 0.5 seconds I felt sad, but then I remembered that the last few years haven’t been the most romantic experiences. In recent times I’ve bought my own flowers after being told I didn’t need any; a sweet aquarium trip meant for 2 turned into a busy group outing; and I’ve heard the actual words, “I’m going to let go of your hand before we go in so we don’t look like a couple.” That last one is my favourite.

If you’re single and think you’re going to be miserable around this Valentine’s period, take it as a day to treat yo self. Love yourself, and why not? Here are a few things that I think will guarantee a super time spent in your own company away from the faff of couples fighting for romantic restaurant tables:

  1. Clear at least an evening of any plans or work
  2. Line up a few of your favourite and most-loved films or TV shows
  3. Get in your favourite food, whether that’s something you love to cook, or ordering from the Chinese takeaway down the road
  4. Add some snacks to your shopping list – my favourites are cookies, shortbread, Magic Stars, Galaxy chocolate and Kettle Chips (maybe not all at once!)
  5. If you drink and, like me, love a good rose, get in some of your favourite alcohol that you wouldn’t normally have during the week

These are actually my plans for the day – absolute and pure relaxation. I might add in a facemask and new PJs somewhere…

This Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided that I’m going to get the most love ever, from me. I’m going to treat myself to some pretty daffodils and have a day where I can just be. Being single is definitely better than being unhappy, 100%.

You’re the best person that you know, so spend the 14th of February taking care of number 1, you deserve it!

Valentine’s Day isn’t just for the couples, it’s for singletons to self-love as well!tumblr_mgldye3mau1qeog6uo1_500

Misc.

7 Years!

It’s 7 years since I registered with WordPress and started this whole journey. I can’t even think what I was up to 7 years ago, when I was a stupid little 17 year old.

I will have been at sixth form, studying Media, English etc at my school and I was probably with my first boyfriend at the time…gross.

According to Timehop, I tweeted “I feel like shit…oh..what’s new?” because I was so cryptic and borderline emo back then. I remember having the most ridiculous bob haircut which absolutely did not suit me no matter what my mum kept telling me so it’s no wonder I was feeling like shit. I used to wear nothing but plaid shirts and jeans, with knock-off Converse.

Okay, stop, stop, I don’t think I can talk about the embarrassing pre-18 year old that I was when I used to proclaim that I would never drink alcohol – hilarious – or that I would be with that boyfriend for the rest of my life – let’s not go there please.

I can’t wait to see where I am when my WordPress anniversary comes around next year. 2016 has been a barrel of utter shite, and hopefully 2017 will be a delightful improvement.

Misc., Uncategorized

New Blog Theme

This whole year has forced me to embrace ‘the new Brittany’, so doesn’t it seem fitting that I should include a new blog theme in that process?

Aye!

Totally different to anything I’ve ever had before, I’ve now got a massive header featuring a giant selfie of yours truly, and a couple of free stock photos that pretty up the rest of my bad quality pics.

ENJOY, and I promise, I seriously PROMISE to write more, I swear. (I’ll try).

B x

Misc.

Do It Yourself

On a sunny day in October, I packed up my room in York and escaped back to Leeds. Five years in the historic town definitely served me well but for one reason or another aka boys, it was absolutely time for me to go.

Moving back in with your parents is never easy, even when you get on as well as I do with mine. However, the turbulent teenage years are far behind us and at 23 (now 24) I had no worries about coming back home.

There’s always a sense of failure when you have to go home, even if it’s straight after uni. When you’ve lived for so long independently and all of a sudden you have to live under someone’s rules, go back to a single bed and sacrifice your personalised TV schedule.

Not only that, but if you haven’t lived in your old bedroom for a good few years, chances are the decor is not exactly to your current tastes…as was the case for me. I decided before I even stepped through the door that I was going to change it. The lilac flowers and mauve wooden dado rail had to go.

Step 1: Choose a wallpaper. This was far harder than it should have been, but it seems that wallpaper just isn’t the decoration of choice anymore. Options were limited and I almost considered just painting the whole thing. A huge DIY shop in town, however provided me with this gorgeous owl paper. I can’t get enough of it.

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Beautiful, right?

I love how light and bright it is, and it has really warmed up my room (not that it needed extra heat, but it certainly feels more homely.

Here are a series of pictures showing the (tiny) room going from a 13 year old’s lilac hue to a sophisticated single 24 year old’s room. Holy shit, I’m 24. Still can’t get over that.

Misc.

DIY Project Owls

For the last week me and the parents have been stripping wallpaper, painting and pasting. We’re redecorating my preteen bedroom and I’m so excited to share it with you! When it’s done, I’m going to write a nice big post with the progress that we’ve made with lots of photos.

Here is one of me looking super professional to give you an idea of what’s to come.

Love!

University, Writing

Just Do It

Hello!

Well, look who it is. Yes, it’s me. The one who calls herself a blogger and never writes a blog post! Hilarious.

I’ve been doing my Masters degree at the University of Leeds for about 6 weeks now, and yesterday I submitted my first assignment. Scary stuff, right. I haven’t submitted an essay for critical marking and judgement for well over two years and getting back the results will prove whether my brain is actually good enough to be on this course.

Yesterday was a good day in that we had a guest lecturer in the form of a well-established writer come in to speak to us. I walked out of that session feeling totally inspired, and that’s why I have come back to the blog. I have a lot to say, but my biggest problem is actually sitting down to say it. It’s a bad habit of mine to just dream up millions of ideas and never get them down, so that they might drift off into the ether, never to return.

A main point that I took away from that session was that you just have to do it. An idea comes into your head, write it. You want to share some work, post it online. You just have to get on and do it. That’s something that I’ve struggled with, especially lately because I’ve been so distracted. Now though, it’s the time to get my arse in gear because my writing career isn’t going to happen by itself. Keep your eyes peeled for a more active blog. She says.

 

Life Experience, Uncategorized

Getting Back Up Again

I’ve been staring at this screen for a while. The last few weeks, I’ve loaded up WordPress with the intention of writing blog posts, but I always press the red cross. It’s not been worth it, writing. The truth of it is that for the last few months I have experienced the most horrific heartbreak I never thought possible for one human to feel. It meant that anything I wanted to write about was either depressingly miserable, or bitterly nasty. And what good would that do? That wouldn’t help anybody, especially myself and someone involved would likely call me out on it. I know that I’m not entitled to an opinion in this… oops.

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Sorry… ANYWAYS. I have taken now myself out of the situation. It was a very long time between the initial ‘incident’ and actually leaving the awful environment. It was actually only two months but it definitely felt like at least two years. If I had just one piece of advice for if  you are ever forced to live with your ex, it’s this: Don’t.

Just don’t do it. Get yourself out of that situation a.s.a.p. because it is bad for your mental and physical well being. (I have found actually that not many people are as unlucky as me to have to go through with this but it does happen.) I’ve felt like I’ve been going insane for the sad-girl-foot-in-water-black-and-whitelast few weeks, I’ve lost a lot of weight, had no appetite and have been sick and cried a lot. It has been horrendous. And the joke is, it could have been a lot, lot worse. But seeing your ex take up with you someone you live with really has to take the biscuit for things to break your heart. Painful doesn’t really cover it. Hurt doesn’t justify what I felt. Devastated does not even begin to describe the cavernous rip that tore through me…

But that’s not what this blog is about. This post is about the future and how things are starting to look up. I’ve started a Masters degree course at university, I’ve moved back in with my parents, I’m looking at starting driving lessons, I’m going to start swimming again, I’m making new friends, I’m meeting new people.

This blog is about however painful it is, and whatever heartbreak you’re going through whether that’s romantically or because of grief, work, trauma, anything, you will be okay. You are stronger than you think you are. Something I have come to realise is that you never know your true strength until that is all you have left. You might be collapsed on the floor, surrounded by tissues, your chest a gaping and bleeding raw wound. Your hair may be unwashed and you may not have eaten for 24 hours and you may be wearing the same pyjamas as you wore all day yesterday, but trust me when I say that things do get better. It will likely be one tiny step at a time, and the steps may be spread across weeks, but you will absolutely see an improvement in time. Nothing can hold you down so much that you can’t get back up again. Nothing.

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As for me, I’m nowhere near healed yet, and I don’t think I’ll be back to my old self for a long time, but now that I am away from that awful situation, the real work can begin. If you are suffering, all I can say is keep the faith, believe in yourself and go on Pinterest looking for inspirational quotes because you will realise than that you are not alone. Knowing that there are other people going through similar things is a weird kind of comfort when you’re hurting.

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You just have to believe in yourself.

Life Experience

Dive into the Eye of the Storm

A lot of what goes through a person when they experience pain or heartache is torture. We’ve all been there, we’ve all grieved for someone we love, we’ve all been hurt, it’s what makes us human.

I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks, and I’ve had a lot of time to myself to consider what direction I’m going in, and where I’ve been. I’ve been stuck, really. But I think a large part of being hurt is experiencing time standing still and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. You need time to contemplate and to heal, there’s no other way of repairing the damage.

What I’m trying to say, and what I’ve figured out, is that you have to weather the storm. You have to go through the darkness to reach the light. You have to listen to the tear-jerking break up songs and you have to go through the emotional moments. You just have to, otherwise you don’t get fixed. A lot of the time it is up to you and you alone to pick yourself up and dust yourself down. You may have a loving and strong support network, but there is only so much that your mum can do for your over the phone. Your friends and family can listen to you and love you, but ultimately it is down to you to get better.

It’s hard, I’m not saying it isn’t and I’m not even at the end of my journey yet. But I know that the next few weeks, or whatever will just make me a better person. I know it’s going to hurt, but I’m not prepared to hide from everything and bubble-wrap myself. I’m going to walk right into the eye of the storm and I’m going to come out of the other side a better person.

I should really blog more often…

storms

Life Experience

Me Again

I haven’t felt like blogging recently; I’ve not had much to say. It’s no secret that I’ve been going through a rough patch (anyone would get that from the melancholy posts that have cluttered my blog). But it is just a patch, just a temporary blip in 2016.

Last week I was on holiday with my parents and my sister, for one last family trip to Jersey (for now). It was a week filled with wall-to-wall sunshine, cake, sea and laughter. I haven’t felt so care-free and stress-free for a few months and the whole week did me a world of good. I’ll follow up when I’ve sifted through the many many photos with a post about sunburn, freckles and castles.

And in other good news, I’ve officially accepted a place onto an MA course at the University of Leeds to study Writing for Performance and Publication which is just SO EXCITING. That starts at the end of September, after another little holiday to Majorca with my best friend.

So yes, the last few months have been hard going, and the rough ride hasn’t ended yet, but I’m making the most of my new found freedom and keeping myself busy and happy, making more delightful memories for 2016 than sad ones.

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